Divorce – A Last Resort:I have already defined divorce as a declaration of death. It is not something that should be trifled with unless you are definitely certain that there is no other way around it; in other words, that the marriage is truly dead and cannot be resuscitated. Before arriving at this decision, a series of events must have occurred in the interim, between the occurrence of the ground for the divorce and the actual filing of the petition in court. That is the attempt of either one or both of the spouses to reconcile with each other.

Divorce should be a last resort to problems faced by couples in marriage, not the practical solution. Have you tried reconciling with your spouse? If so, how much have you tried. There is virtually no problem too insurmountable to resolve when both spouses are willing to accept and make amends for their faults, as well as forgive each other for their offences. Too often, however, spouses allow pride, ego and sentiments to get the better of them.

Although, divorce is inevitable in a world of crime, corruption and evil, some of the issues resulting in divorce are those which could easily have been nipped in the bud; for instance, incompatibility, income lag, age difference, communication gap, in-law issues etc. This is why the time between the occurrence of the ground for divorce and the actual filing of the divorce is important. Couples should explore every means to try and reconcile their differences and save their marriages.

The Bible’s Reconciliation Techniques

The Holy Bible provides a three-pronged principle for dispute resolution which can be applied in matrimonial disputes. But it takes two to tango. Both parties must be willing to sit down and talk. Both parties must be willing to save the marriage. Otherwise, the exercise would be in futility. Nevertheless, the Bible says to try.

The Bible’s approach is contained in Matthew 18:15-17. It consists of three levels:

1. Meet with your spouse and discuss the matter. Tell him/her what you think he/you did wrong; and be ready to take the blame even if you think that you are in the right. If he/she listens at this point, the matter is resolved.
2. If your spouse would not listen to you, invite a third party, most likely someone that the both of you respect, either from your family members, community or church members. But make sure you do it discretely.
3. If he would not still listen, then bring it to the church or the religious organization that both of your belong to. Probably the governing council of the church where you both worship.

If after exhausting the levels he still fails to reconcile, the Bible says to consider him as an “unbeliever”. In other words, the marriage is most likely dead.

The Matrimonial Causes Act/Rules�

The Matrimonial Causes Act/Rules is also couched in such a way as to enable reconciliation of the parties in the interim and during the divorce proceedings. The opportunities available for reconciliation under the Act are as follows:

1. Firstly, when a spouse approaches a lawyer for divorce, the lawyer is expected to counsel the spouse on possible means to reconcile with the other spouse. He is also duty bound to inquire into whether the spouse has tried to reconcile with the other spouse before deciding that divorce is the solution. The law imposes a duty on the lawyer to file along with the petition a “certificate relating to reconciliation” stating that he endeavoured to bring to the notice of the petitioner the provisions for reconciliation. (Order II rule 1&2)
2. Secondly, during the proceedings, the Act encourages Judges to consider the possibility of reconciliation between the parties. (section 11)
3. Thirdly, even after a decree of dissolution has been granted, it is made “order nisi” and would only become permanent or “order absolute” after 3 months from the declaration of dissolution. What this means is that spouses who have obtained an order nisi can before the decree becomes absolute settle their issues and apply to the court for the decree nisi to be vacated. The 3 months gap also helps the parties to consider the effects of the divorce and whether or not it wouldn’t just be best to save the marriage. (Order XII rule 8)

So, before, you press that divorce button, be sure to have pressed the reconciliation button. Miracles do occur.

Articles on this site are meant to provide general knowledge on divorce law in Nigeria and do not, by any means, substitute for proper consultation with legal experts. Need help? Go Here!